To sum up how it feels in one word: Weird.
There was never that sense of accomplishment or sigh of relief that I was expecting when we wrapped. I don't know if I'm just stunned that it worked and I can't wrap my head around it yet, or if maybe it has something to do with being sleep deprived or maybe just that I always tend to look forward when making movies and I'm somewhat intimidated by the months of work I have ahead of me. Maybe my sigh of relief doesn't come until I have a completed movie. But I'm sure by that point I'll be looking forward to the next project.
I don't guess that's bad, necessarily. I guess that's what keeps me going. But I didn't really get my big ending. I kept reminding myself that I had completed shooting a feature, but it never really affected me.
Lessons I've Learned:
-We really are getting to where our ideas and ambitions are pushing our capacity as large scale home movie makers. I'm not sure if this is something new or true though. Because I could probably argue that every production we've done has seemed to push the boundaries of what we're capable of. I guess that's sort of the point. So that's not so much as a lesson I guess as a fact of making the kind of movies we make. This just happens to be the biggest thing yet and imagining topping it in scale and production value and everything right now seems a bit intimidating. But we'll probably do it.
-Even more time in preproduction. I did good in prep for this movie. Really covered my ass. Made it all work. But as much as I like to find my shots on set, it would have really helped to have a shot list to make sure I got all the shots I had thought of beforehand, and also to help Danny be able to figure out lighting better. Given that we didn't have that, we did a great job, but it probably would have been smoother if we had it.
-Better clarifying my goals and expectations of both the project itself and the actual production to all the cast and crew. It's a hard thing to think about, but you can't assume everybody thinks like you or sees the project like you do. Some people always took it very seriously. Sometimes it felt like some people didn't, but it was almost always in regards to the additional jobs that people shouldn't have necessarily had to do like props and costumes and continuity. So that could also be a fault of having a small crew and a lot of work on everyone's shoulders. But some people stepped up and carried it better than others.
- This one is more of a reaffirmation of something I already knew than a lesson learned, but having a cast/crew of people who are genuinely excited about the project and really want to be a part of it and aren't just doing it as another project to have under their belts is really important. It has to be a unique experience that everyone knows is worth every amount of effort they're putting into it. It has to be an experience money can't buy, and the value has to be in the project itself. In our case, my hope at least is that this is what justifies not paying people. And everyone completely deserves to be paid, but it's a tricky scenario I talked about with Danny. The below the line (and sometimes probably the above the line too) crew on most films work on them as a job. They like making movies in general, that's why they do it, but project to project they're motivation to keep going is usually the money. They have to keep doing projects, whatever they are, to make a living, and I guess also to build up a portfolio so they can get better work. Typically, there's less passion there, and personally I think that's how you know you're making a project not worth making. If people know what they're getting into and are willing to do it for free from the start, that's how you know you not only have a project worth doing it, but a damn good cast/crew for the job. That was my litmus test for this film. I would like to pay everyone now, but there's a problem with that because you're putting a value on that person's work. My core cast/crew all deserve like five grand a piece for the jobs they did. If I had that, I'd pay them. I could give everyone like a hundred bucks, but that seems almost insulting because it says they did a $100 job, and they didn't. I guess to some people that might be a cop out, but I take pride in saying I did this job for free. I mean it was my project, so it probably doesn't count for me. And in fact, I put in 15 grand of my own money so I'm negatively compensated in terms of money. But I really like knowing that this was a passion project. It means at least on some level it's worth having done.
-Don't leave the camera on too long when setting up the shot. It eventually will overheat during the shoot.
- If you don't absolutely need it, you won't end up using it. As the shoot went on, the camera rig got smaller and more basic. By the second leg we weren't using the follow focus at all, and had just the camera itself directly mounted tot he tripod. I even stopped using the monitor a lot. Although lighting got more elaborate and we ended up with more lights for the second leg, so maybe that's not true.
- A lot can change in a 10 day break. It was probably too long. Average temps dropped about 25 degrees and the lake went back up instead of down.
- More, shorter production days probably would have worked out better. Would have been nice to have more recovery time at night and not have to go straight to bed for the next day. Also for watching dailies, which we didn't get to do every day.
- Don't siphon sitting water from the pool cover through a hose when the pump breaks. It'll give you a sore through and a sinus infection during your shoot.
- You never expect yourself to lose momentum or want to just stop at points, but the first couple of days of the second leg when I was sick and wondering at what point my grandmother was going to die (which btw, she's actually doing okay right now, still hanging in there), and shooting some of the less visually interesting scenes of the movie, I was really fighting.
- On a similar note as the last one, a feature film can be creatively stifling. Perhaps it had to do with spending so much time at one location, but certain sets got really stale and became hard for me as a director to find shots and interest in. You start out with a lot of big ideas and you end up in some places just getting the minimum. I don't think it'll reflect in the final film. But in retrospect there were a couple of scenes where I could have done more. Although that may always be true.
- Your will turn into a super human at some point. I thought I would be prepared having been a PA on a 25 day indie film shoot and being the first person on set and the last to leave. Sometimes doing 15 hour shoots. But as a PA you don't have any of the weight of the production on your shoulders. You don't have to make any decisions, no one is really ever waiting on you, and you get to wait around not doing anything a lot. My feet got really tired as a PA. They were sore and callused . That didn't happen on this movie. But with only 13 days of production, and getting sick, and being in the cold, and wearing heavy camera rigs, and being the central resource for any question about anything, and trying to remember what I want out of scenes and make sure I get the shots I want, and getting three hours of sleep some nights, and somehow not being able to eat nearly enough food (my metabolism got really messed up). Somewhere in there you become like a superhero or something. I'm probably glamorizing it, but we wrapped three days ago and it wasn't until last night that I finally got a full nights sleep. My circadian rhythm is all off. And there's this weird transition back into the real world.
- I feel like I've experienced a major turning point in my life. Like I've had a reawakening or something. For the last month, I've felt like myself. Like somehow I haven't been myself in years. I guess maybe because it's been 2.5 years since my last big project, but I feel reinvigorated, and like I need to go through some big changes. It's going to sound silly, but I feel young again. I think it's because my normal life has been pretty lazy leading up to this project. I'm usually not around a lot of people. Doing everything in seclusion. Sleeping a lot, not working that hard. Trying to figure out where I'm going in life, but not actually living it. Looking back I feel like I've been growing up too fast. I'm engaged, and I'm planning where I'm going to live in two years, I spent my college career studying my backup plan in life so I can get a good job when filmmaking doesn't work out. That's a terrible thing to plan for when I'm only 22. Most filmmakers don't make their first feature until they're past 30. I think that's what's not entirely me and why I feel like myself again. I want to do more of this kind of stuff. Pushing my physical and creative limits and seeing what happens. Testing myself. Playing it less safe and comfortable. I mean I have like 8 months of post to do on this film and I'm already ready to top it. I don't want to stagnate like I've been doing. I'm ready to write again. I'm ready to get ambitious.
But all in all, this has been the most successful project I've ever done. We planned for things, we worked through problems, we were ready for our setbacks, and we got it done. There aren't any weak links like we used to have. No tripod shots or lines overlooked or anything missing. There were circumstantial adjustments, but our weak links for this project will be a new league of weak links compared to what we usually have. So that's exciting. I know the worst is better than any other worst I've had. So the whole thing should be scaled up accordingly.
And I'm truly grateful to my incredible cast and crew on this project. Without this particular breed of crazy artists willing to do anything, I wouldn't have been able to even come close to pulling this off. There are always pros and cons, but at the end of the day with this production the pros, I think, completely dominated the cons, and we came out on top.
Now I'll stop over-hyping everything so I don't set expectations too high.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Part II : The Final Test
What Danny refers to as "the filmmaking Gods," the greater powers we sometimes like to blame for all the shit that can happen on set, seem to be really testing me for this one.
I knew it'd be tough making a movie around the holidays. I knew it'd be stressful working on another project on my break. I knew a lot of things. And as is almost always the case, everything seems to just border being too much to handle. Even if you go in expecting that and it meets your expectations, somewhere in the back of your head you expect it to be easier because you planned for it, but with film I guess it's always scaled to your efforts. So you're always barely getting by, it's just a matter of what you're getting by with.
Family stress couldn't be worse right now though. Production starts up again in exactly 39 hours. Yesterday, we found out that my grandmother is basically on her deathbed right now. She's been hospitalized for several months and we knew it was coming. It's just that it seems like it could happen any day now, and I can't have it happen any day now. I've got 5 days. 5 hardcore shooting days that I can't really afford to delay. It's a terrible situation to be in. I mean I've basically already accepted that she's going to die. Most of us have. She's been in a hospital for months so in that way it will sort of be a good thing. It's just that it's weird to be crossing my fingers that she doesn't die in the next week for basically my own selfish reasons. I guess that's terrible. From the family perspective, it's probably really selfish. From the production perspective it's something I just want to forget about and hope doesn't interfere. I don't like being tied to both. It's very stressful.
I like to think of it as kind of a test. Movies are always stressful and those filmmaking gods are just packing it on thick right now. I don't believe in a real god or anything. I don't believe in higher powers, but sometimes I like to think that somehow I'm being tested even though there's no one administering the test. I guess that means it's just me versus the real world and it's a test for myself to prove this is what I want to do. I came out of the first leg confident that it was. And I'm not second guessing that at all or anything. I guess I'm just anxious again to see if in 6 days I have a whole movie shot or not.
I knew it'd be tough making a movie around the holidays. I knew it'd be stressful working on another project on my break. I knew a lot of things. And as is almost always the case, everything seems to just border being too much to handle. Even if you go in expecting that and it meets your expectations, somewhere in the back of your head you expect it to be easier because you planned for it, but with film I guess it's always scaled to your efforts. So you're always barely getting by, it's just a matter of what you're getting by with.
Family stress couldn't be worse right now though. Production starts up again in exactly 39 hours. Yesterday, we found out that my grandmother is basically on her deathbed right now. She's been hospitalized for several months and we knew it was coming. It's just that it seems like it could happen any day now, and I can't have it happen any day now. I've got 5 days. 5 hardcore shooting days that I can't really afford to delay. It's a terrible situation to be in. I mean I've basically already accepted that she's going to die. Most of us have. She's been in a hospital for months so in that way it will sort of be a good thing. It's just that it's weird to be crossing my fingers that she doesn't die in the next week for basically my own selfish reasons. I guess that's terrible. From the family perspective, it's probably really selfish. From the production perspective it's something I just want to forget about and hope doesn't interfere. I don't like being tied to both. It's very stressful.
I like to think of it as kind of a test. Movies are always stressful and those filmmaking gods are just packing it on thick right now. I don't believe in a real god or anything. I don't believe in higher powers, but sometimes I like to think that somehow I'm being tested even though there's no one administering the test. I guess that means it's just me versus the real world and it's a test for myself to prove this is what I want to do. I came out of the first leg confident that it was. And I'm not second guessing that at all or anything. I guess I'm just anxious again to see if in 6 days I have a whole movie shot or not.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Standing on One Leg
So we've done it. We have about 2/3 of the movie shot.
Today is the first day in 9 days that I haven't been shooting and it feels really weird. Somewhere in the last two or three days of production, it occurred to me that I'm doing exactly what I want to do for a living. It's really intense, and you have long hours, and you get worn out and I think I averaged about 6 hours of sleep a night all week, but I was never tired. I never wanted to stop or take a break. That's why today is weird. I want to jump right back into the second leg and get the rest of the movie. I love the atmosphere of being on set. The pressure, and the close group of people working hard for something they believe in. It's like a weird dream to look back on. It's so far removed from normal life. But I think that's what I like about it. I'm spent way too many days leading up to last week sitting in my apartment, writing, and planning, and getting everything where it needed to be, and I got tired of it. It's working towards a goal, but it's really far removed from it and you don't get any of the gratification. It's also a comparatively lonely experience. But for me it was really nice to sit down at the end of the day talking with the cast/crew and thinking to myself, "yes, this is exactly what I want to be doing with my life." It's a great feeling because there's a lot of second guessing going on at this point in my life, when practicality clashes with dreams.
I've started a rough cut of what we have so far. It looks good. Really good. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it feels like it's turning out exactly like it should. You can never tell what it will be beforehand. You can take educated guesses, and then you can think of your ideals, and you incorporate the reality of the production and you get your product. This feels like a well balanced mix between all of that. I'm happy with it.
It's weird how despite not really being conscious of it, I've got a definite style. This film is certainly more professional than anything I've done, but even in just the 5 minutes of the film I have cut together right now, it feels really familiar. I see similarities to "Making Of," but in a good way. It's reassuring because a lot of times I feel like I'm ripping off other styles a lot, but I think I have something my own.
But it's a weird kind of depressing day today. I got to sleep in, I'm home alone with just me and my footage. And I'm working on it, but I'm missing the hustle and bustle and what I like to think of as kind of fighting to make this film.
Like yesterday was a crazy day, but one I'm really glad we had for this production. It was 100% pure guerrilla filmmaking. The kind of stuff that other people quit when the shit hits the fan. We started at the airport, which was easy, except we were going to shoot a plan landing and it landed early so we missed it and would have had to wait another 2 hours for the next one (we're probably coming back to that one). We shot in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond without permission, eventually getting confronted and told we couldn't shoot there...but after we got everything we needed. The liquor store we had scheduled was unexpectedly closed (we found out after our actor for the scene had driven in from Arkansas to shoot) so we had to find another location, called about 5 other liquor stores, which all turned us down, went to one that said yes, but changed their minds when we got there, and ended up at a local market that is closed on Sundays, but they opened for us to shoot after Hunter begged them on the phone. So we got a private location in the end, which probably worked out even better. Then we ended the day shooting in a Target parking lot getting in a lot of people's way and being stalked by the guy that ratted us out in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. It felt like high school again, but in a good way. A sense of danger and a feeling that we might not get what we needed because of all of the things we couldn't control without a Hollywood machine backing us up. It was one of those days where I think a lot of people would have given up or changed the script around to fit the circumstances, but we fought to do it just like we wanted and we got it.
I enjoy those fights...probably more so after they're proven successful though.
Today is the first day in 9 days that I haven't been shooting and it feels really weird. Somewhere in the last two or three days of production, it occurred to me that I'm doing exactly what I want to do for a living. It's really intense, and you have long hours, and you get worn out and I think I averaged about 6 hours of sleep a night all week, but I was never tired. I never wanted to stop or take a break. That's why today is weird. I want to jump right back into the second leg and get the rest of the movie. I love the atmosphere of being on set. The pressure, and the close group of people working hard for something they believe in. It's like a weird dream to look back on. It's so far removed from normal life. But I think that's what I like about it. I'm spent way too many days leading up to last week sitting in my apartment, writing, and planning, and getting everything where it needed to be, and I got tired of it. It's working towards a goal, but it's really far removed from it and you don't get any of the gratification. It's also a comparatively lonely experience. But for me it was really nice to sit down at the end of the day talking with the cast/crew and thinking to myself, "yes, this is exactly what I want to be doing with my life." It's a great feeling because there's a lot of second guessing going on at this point in my life, when practicality clashes with dreams.
I've started a rough cut of what we have so far. It looks good. Really good. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it feels like it's turning out exactly like it should. You can never tell what it will be beforehand. You can take educated guesses, and then you can think of your ideals, and you incorporate the reality of the production and you get your product. This feels like a well balanced mix between all of that. I'm happy with it.
It's weird how despite not really being conscious of it, I've got a definite style. This film is certainly more professional than anything I've done, but even in just the 5 minutes of the film I have cut together right now, it feels really familiar. I see similarities to "Making Of," but in a good way. It's reassuring because a lot of times I feel like I'm ripping off other styles a lot, but I think I have something my own.
But it's a weird kind of depressing day today. I got to sleep in, I'm home alone with just me and my footage. And I'm working on it, but I'm missing the hustle and bustle and what I like to think of as kind of fighting to make this film.
Like yesterday was a crazy day, but one I'm really glad we had for this production. It was 100% pure guerrilla filmmaking. The kind of stuff that other people quit when the shit hits the fan. We started at the airport, which was easy, except we were going to shoot a plan landing and it landed early so we missed it and would have had to wait another 2 hours for the next one (we're probably coming back to that one). We shot in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond without permission, eventually getting confronted and told we couldn't shoot there...but after we got everything we needed. The liquor store we had scheduled was unexpectedly closed (we found out after our actor for the scene had driven in from Arkansas to shoot) so we had to find another location, called about 5 other liquor stores, which all turned us down, went to one that said yes, but changed their minds when we got there, and ended up at a local market that is closed on Sundays, but they opened for us to shoot after Hunter begged them on the phone. So we got a private location in the end, which probably worked out even better. Then we ended the day shooting in a Target parking lot getting in a lot of people's way and being stalked by the guy that ratted us out in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. It felt like high school again, but in a good way. A sense of danger and a feeling that we might not get what we needed because of all of the things we couldn't control without a Hollywood machine backing us up. It was one of those days where I think a lot of people would have given up or changed the script around to fit the circumstances, but we fought to do it just like we wanted and we got it.
I enjoy those fights...probably more so after they're proven successful though.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
High Point
3 Days of Preproduction left and I'm feeling pretty good about it.
It really is all coming together. Since the production is split, I split my efforts to make everything much easier on myself. So I focused on only getting the props for the first leg, etc. And as far as the first 8 days of shooting are concerned there are only one or two unknowns and they're small ones.
So I'm feeling good about pulling this off. I'm designing a pack of gum right now, about to start on a CD case and book cover. All fake items for the movie. I'm glad to have my design skill set because it's really hand for this kind of thing. Instead of having to hide products, I can actually focus on them because they're jokes in and of themselves. I won't spoil them here.
But I'm excited because I think for the first time ever, when production starts Sunday I'll actually be able to breathe a little bit and focus on what a director is supposed to focus on. And in theory this should yield some great results.
Oh and I saw this ship today. Fucking awesome.
It really is all coming together. Since the production is split, I split my efforts to make everything much easier on myself. So I focused on only getting the props for the first leg, etc. And as far as the first 8 days of shooting are concerned there are only one or two unknowns and they're small ones.
So I'm feeling good about pulling this off. I'm designing a pack of gum right now, about to start on a CD case and book cover. All fake items for the movie. I'm glad to have my design skill set because it's really hand for this kind of thing. Instead of having to hide products, I can actually focus on them because they're jokes in and of themselves. I won't spoil them here.
But I'm excited because I think for the first time ever, when production starts Sunday I'll actually be able to breathe a little bit and focus on what a director is supposed to focus on. And in theory this should yield some great results.
Oh and I saw this ship today. Fucking awesome.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
One week
Yep, today is 7 days from the first day of shooting.
It's a weird day. I seem to fluctuate from extreme excited-ness to extreme stress. And that seems to go hand in hand with crossing things off my to-do list and then adding more than I crossed off back onto it.
But today was a stress day, where even though I did a good bit, I felt like I didn't do anything because of the sheer volume of stuff to do...which I also think I may be bad at judging...because my master to do list is like 75% crossed off, but I have all of these little to do lists that I make throughout the day when I think of things...but I'm not sure where they fit in on the master to do list....so they might be relatively nothing.
I also had this weird realization that while I've kind of been the mastermind of this whole thing for the past year, I haven't really had a physical role to play, but in a week I'm actually going to have a real job to do. There's like this weird separation between conceptualizing a project and then actually making it, and even though I've been making stuff for a while now, when I brought out my camera today and did a steadicam test, I realized I'm not it very good shape to be a camera operator. I've got two heavy rigs for doing "handheld" stuff.
But I'll make do.
It's a weird day. I seem to fluctuate from extreme excited-ness to extreme stress. And that seems to go hand in hand with crossing things off my to-do list and then adding more than I crossed off back onto it.
But today was a stress day, where even though I did a good bit, I felt like I didn't do anything because of the sheer volume of stuff to do...which I also think I may be bad at judging...because my master to do list is like 75% crossed off, but I have all of these little to do lists that I make throughout the day when I think of things...but I'm not sure where they fit in on the master to do list....so they might be relatively nothing.
I also had this weird realization that while I've kind of been the mastermind of this whole thing for the past year, I haven't really had a physical role to play, but in a week I'm actually going to have a real job to do. There's like this weird separation between conceptualizing a project and then actually making it, and even though I've been making stuff for a while now, when I brought out my camera today and did a steadicam test, I realized I'm not it very good shape to be a camera operator. I've got two heavy rigs for doing "handheld" stuff.
But I'll make do.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Beginning of the Beginning
12 days until blast-off.
I'm not sure how prepared I am. I've rehearsed with all three leads and I'm really happy about how that part of things is shaping up. I have all but two bit parts cast.
I've bought all of the major equipment.
We've built the launchpad. You can watch a little mini-doc on it here:
http://www.vimeo.com/7908810
I've got the rest of my preproduction days planned out. I just have to power through everything. I hope all of the work pays off. That would be the biggest disappointment. This is the most work I've ever put into a film project and I haven't even started it yet. I just hope it amounts to something and the at the end of the day when you watch the film you can tell it's more work than I've ever put into anything else.
A part of me wants to fast forward twelve days to production and another part wants to fast forward to mid-January after it's all shot. I love production, but it's also one of those things that is always so much better in retrospect once you know everything turns out okay. But when you're actually in it, it's incredibly stressful because you don't know if everything will turn out okay, especially with a high stakes project like this. But that's also the point. That's what I love. Sailing a sinking ship through a storm to the other side of the ocean. But of course you're also sailing a sinking ship through a storm...to the otherside of the ocean. It is what it is. And it feels great when you pull it off.
I'm not sure how prepared I am. I've rehearsed with all three leads and I'm really happy about how that part of things is shaping up. I have all but two bit parts cast.
I've bought all of the major equipment.
We've built the launchpad. You can watch a little mini-doc on it here:
http://www.vimeo.com/7908810
I've got the rest of my preproduction days planned out. I just have to power through everything. I hope all of the work pays off. That would be the biggest disappointment. This is the most work I've ever put into a film project and I haven't even started it yet. I just hope it amounts to something and the at the end of the day when you watch the film you can tell it's more work than I've ever put into anything else.
A part of me wants to fast forward twelve days to production and another part wants to fast forward to mid-January after it's all shot. I love production, but it's also one of those things that is always so much better in retrospect once you know everything turns out okay. But when you're actually in it, it's incredibly stressful because you don't know if everything will turn out okay, especially with a high stakes project like this. But that's also the point. That's what I love. Sailing a sinking ship through a storm to the other side of the ocean. But of course you're also sailing a sinking ship through a storm...to the otherside of the ocean. It is what it is. And it feels great when you pull it off.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
23 Days
Each day seems more and more desperate.
I'm doing an incredible amount of preparation compared to any other project I've attempted, but there's still the whole fact that it's about 40 pages longer than any project I've ever attempted too. And more expensive, and ultimately more important and riskier. So unless I had like two months of production time and an infinite supply of money and resources I don't think I'd ever feel like I was ready.
I think it's also the somewhat rushed feeling production period. We're going to be shooting on both sides of the week of Christmas, an already particularly busy and chaotic time of year. And we're only going to have 13 days of production...which is pretty slim. And the fact that most of the cast/crew aren't here in town to be able to meet with everyday...and that many of them start almost as soon as they get out of school, and go back to school a few days after we wrap. There's no breathing room.
But I try to tell myself it's good to be nervous. If I was comfortable, I wouldn't be risking enough.
It's just despite all the work I'm doing, I always feel like I could be doing more, and I worry that that difference could be really important in the final product. I hope that in retrospect I'll be able to say something like that's just me trying to be a perfectionist or something, but I won't know if I'm being lazy or a perfectionist until much further down the road. It's sort of a weird thing not to know.
I'm just glad that I at least designed what should be a pretty easy and intimate production so once we're shooting, I hope it'll be less stressful than it is right now in anticipation. Of course whatever happens, in three weeks I will have everything pulled together.
I hope that with my next film I'll be able to get a lot more money and be able to hand off a lot of my prep jobs to other people. It's certainly the least exciting part of making the movie. It's all about anticipation and trying to make it happen and hoping you can pull it off. A lot of unknowns. And even for a feature length film like this, it's too much work for one or two people.
The next two stages are just about dealing with what you have from preproduction. I can't wait for those.
On a l
ighter note, Kemer found this photo of us in pre-school...in costume. Sort of an interesting image to go back to, when 20 or so years later we're basically still playing pretend and dressing up in costumes.
I'm doing an incredible amount of preparation compared to any other project I've attempted, but there's still the whole fact that it's about 40 pages longer than any project I've ever attempted too. And more expensive, and ultimately more important and riskier. So unless I had like two months of production time and an infinite supply of money and resources I don't think I'd ever feel like I was ready.
I think it's also the somewhat rushed feeling production period. We're going to be shooting on both sides of the week of Christmas, an already particularly busy and chaotic time of year. And we're only going to have 13 days of production...which is pretty slim. And the fact that most of the cast/crew aren't here in town to be able to meet with everyday...and that many of them start almost as soon as they get out of school, and go back to school a few days after we wrap. There's no breathing room.
But I try to tell myself it's good to be nervous. If I was comfortable, I wouldn't be risking enough.
It's just despite all the work I'm doing, I always feel like I could be doing more, and I worry that that difference could be really important in the final product. I hope that in retrospect I'll be able to say something like that's just me trying to be a perfectionist or something, but I won't know if I'm being lazy or a perfectionist until much further down the road. It's sort of a weird thing not to know.
I'm just glad that I at least designed what should be a pretty easy and intimate production so once we're shooting, I hope it'll be less stressful than it is right now in anticipation. Of course whatever happens, in three weeks I will have everything pulled together.
I hope that with my next film I'll be able to get a lot more money and be able to hand off a lot of my prep jobs to other people. It's certainly the least exciting part of making the movie. It's all about anticipation and trying to make it happen and hoping you can pull it off. A lot of unknowns. And even for a feature length film like this, it's too much work for one or two people.
The next two stages are just about dealing with what you have from preproduction. I can't wait for those.
On a l
ighter note, Kemer found this photo of us in pre-school...in costume. Sort of an interesting image to go back to, when 20 or so years later we're basically still playing pretend and dressing up in costumes.
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