23 Days

Each day seems more and more desperate.

I'm doing an incredible amount of preparation compared to any other project I've attempted, but there's still the whole fact that it's about 40 pages longer than any project I've ever attempted too. And more expensive, and ultimately more important and riskier. So unless I had like two months of production time and an infinite supply of money and resources I don't think I'd ever feel like I was ready.

I think it's also the somewhat rushed feeling production period. We're going to be shooting on both sides of the week of Christmas, an already particularly busy and chaotic time of year. And we're only going to have 13 days of production...which is pretty slim. And the fact that most of the cast/crew aren't here in town to be able to meet with everyday...and that many of them start almost as soon as they get out of school, and go back to school a few days after we wrap. There's no breathing room.

But I try to tell myself it's good to be nervous. If I was comfortable, I wouldn't be risking enough.

It's just despite all the work I'm doing, I always feel like I could be doing more, and I worry that that difference could be really important in the final product. I hope that in retrospect I'll be able to say something like that's just me trying to be a perfectionist or something, but I won't know if I'm being lazy or a perfectionist until much further down the road. It's sort of a weird thing not to know.

I'm just glad that I at least designed what should be a pretty easy and intimate production so once we're shooting, I hope it'll be less stressful than it is right now in anticipation. Of course whatever happens, in three weeks I will have everything pulled together.

I hope that with my next film I'll be able to get a lot more money and be able to hand off a lot of my prep jobs to other people. It's certainly the least exciting part of making the movie. It's all about anticipation and trying to make it happen and hoping you can pull it off. A lot of unknowns. And even for a feature length film like this, it's too much work for one or two people.

The next two stages are just about dealing with what you have from preproduction. I can't wait for those.

On a lighter note, Kemer found this photo of us in pre-school...in costume. Sort of an interesting image to go back to, when 20 or so years later we're basically still playing pretend and dressing up in costumes.

Night Driving

Lately, I've found myself for whatever reason driving around at night somewhat aimlessly and listening to music and feeling really good and creative.

I remember in school I used to listen to music on my way to and from class. It's a good way to kind of let your mind wander. But lately, without that kind of consistent travel time, I don't think I've been listening to music as much, and I've forgotten how important good music is to getting me in a creative state of mind. Most of my ideas come to me when I'm listening to music.

So anyway, I've found myself in some ways reconnecting to music in general via driving around at night. I actually take detours and longer routes to extend my drive. It's kind of strange, but also peaceful and invigorating. I don't know why it works better at night, but it does. Night time is always more surreal I guess.

I've also gotten more excited about the production finally coming around. I set up Neil's bedroom today with the props I've gotten so far and it is really starting to feel like a set. It's fun. I also got the Spacedad's helmet in the mail and seeing it on the chair in my room gets me excited. All of these ideas and visuals that have been in my head for so long are starting to materialize and it's really exciting to see them. It makes me want to start shooting.