20 Minutes of End

I've rough cut the last twenty minutes of the movie. That includes the launch and the moon scene and everything, so some pretty exciting stuff.

Individually, I'm really pretty excited about all of these scenes. But it's occurred to me that more than on any other project, I'm really going to have to work on pacing and transitions, and making it all work as a gestalt.

I think I'll get a better feel for everything the more I get done, which I guess is obvious. But the last twenty minutes are particularly surreal and dreamy and heavy on music, and kind of gives more of a music video vibe than a narrative vibe, which to some degree is the point. But I'm eager to see how the rest of the movie counterbalances and then in the end how it all works together.

There's also a good chance that I might end up cutting stuff from the movie for the first time. I've never had that ability before really, but I might need to on this project. I actually also feel like I need to slow things down a bit.

So far so good.

It's Fun When It Doesn't Have To Make Sense

Last night, I happily got back into the groove of editing.

I started with the actual ending, and worked my way backward to the moon scene. I don't know why I keep putting of the moon scene because once I started on it I got really excited. There's a lot of creative editing opportunities with that scene because visually it only loosely has to make sense.

Once I get the moon scene done I will have the whole party/launch/moon/morning sequence done...as a rough cut...and ready to send off to my composer!

Wasting Time

I feel like I've been incapacitated or something. Like I've been in a coma the last couple of days.

It's been three days since I've even opened up the project to do some editing.

I'm not really sure why either.

I want to edit, but it's such a daunting workflow. It's really hard to get myself to do it. Add on top that currently there's no pressure to have it finished any time soon and you end up with me sitting around wasting my time.

I keep thinking, "Evan, you just shot this awesome movie. Everyone loves the teaser. Everyone, especially you, can't wait to see it. Why the hell aren't you working day and night on this?!"

I don't know the answer to that question. It's surprisingly similar to how my writing process was once I finished school and moved back to Shreveport. If I sat down and forced myself to do it, I could get something done. If I was really inspired, I could get something done. But most the time I couldn't get myself to do anything. It's like I need the intensity of production all the way through the process to keep me on track.

I was thinking the other day about how for the first time, I can understand why most directors don't actually edit themselves, which is something I've always wanted to do and have done on all my previous projects. It's like the reward. But most directors just oversee the process. That's all I want to do right now. Just sit on a couch in an editing suite and make creative decisions. Maybe that's lazy, but I think I'm just really intimidated by the whole process this time. I've rough cut maybe 25 minutes of the movie together, which actually sounds pretty good, but there are so many details to fix later. I mean it when I say "rough." And maybe part of it, too, is that I've gotten to a point where I don't really settle. I see all the work that needs to be done and my desire to make it right means even more work than I would have done even just two years ago. Again, I guess it's like writing. The rough cut will be my first draft. I think I ended up with 4 full drafts of the script, and some 20 or so revisions.

I've got serious cabin fever too. I really wish I had an office to go to where I can focus on just working. Being in my apartment all day sucks. Not having a job and not having school, it seems like an ideal situation, but I actually miss having things to do and having to find time to work. Everyone else is going back to school, and in some ways I'm sort of jealous. It's a weird sensation because I'm not really a fan of school. I wanted to not be in school and do what I'm doing now when I was in school. Funny how that works.

But focus is probably my biggest weakness. I'm passionate about my work. I feel like I'm pretty good at it. And when under pressure, I can make it all happen. But when it's just me and my own time and resources, I can't get anything done.

Also, I kind of wish we were at Sundance right now like we have been this time of year for the last five years. I don't really care for the fest that much anymore, but it makes for a nice get away, and is a good way to start the year out with perspective on the film world. Maybe I just need some kind of vacation before coming back to work.

Maybe this is like Post-Production Stress Disorder or something. Not that I think what we were doing is anywhere comparable to being at war or anything (though perhaps there's room for a good metaphor there), but when you hear war veterans talk about how when they get home, nothing is the same, and you can't go back to normal life again. That's sort of how I felt with production. And some people talk about wanting to go back. That's me. I want to go back to production. It made me feel awesome. You're working to make something great, and you're completely cut off from reality. Going back to reality is really weird (and depressing) even though I'm still working to finish what I started in production. It's also the family of people you're working with. They may be your friends, or new people. People you may like or not. But you're all tied together with a shared goal and passion and you're living and working together for (in this case) a couple of weeks and then suddenly you're cut off and it's back to normal. It's a unique experience with unique relationships. It's an adventure.

I guess for me it's just hard to wake up and not have the privilege of facing an adventure anymore.


In other news, sometimes I honestly feel like I control the weather. This week while I've been depressed and not working, it's been warming up. It got up to 70 today (it got down to 18 during production). And there's been this looming cloud cover all day and then I sat down to write this and the clouds broke open and it started raining really hard.

Anyway, here's hoping I get back to work soon.

Tease

So I couldn't help it. I sat down to edit and I had to do my little one minute teaser. Here it is:
http://vimeo.com/8687012

I didn't want to rush and throw this out there too soon, but I think it's a pretty nice little teaser. I can't stop watching it. It's the first thing I've shown to the world. It's exciting and it's a moment I've thought about for a while. Trailers are always a lot of fun to do, and I was always looking forward to being at the point where I had my footage and could just cut a trailer with production completed. So I guess it's a relief. Though now I have to make sure that when stretched out 100 times, it's still good.

This is the End.

To sum up how it feels in one word: Weird.

There was never that sense of accomplishment or sigh of relief that I was expecting when we wrapped. I don't know if I'm just stunned that it worked and I can't wrap my head around it yet, or if maybe it has something to do with being sleep deprived or maybe just that I always tend to look forward when making movies and I'm somewhat intimidated by the months of work I have ahead of me. Maybe my sigh of relief doesn't come until I have a completed movie. But I'm sure by that point I'll be looking forward to the next project.

I don't guess that's bad, necessarily. I guess that's what keeps me going. But I didn't really get my big ending. I kept reminding myself that I had completed shooting a feature, but it never really affected me.

Lessons I've Learned:

-We really are getting to where our ideas and ambitions are pushing our capacity as large scale home movie makers. I'm not sure if this is something new or true though. Because I could probably argue that every production we've done has seemed to push the boundaries of what we're capable of. I guess that's sort of the point. So that's not so much as a lesson I guess as a fact of making the kind of movies we make. This just happens to be the biggest thing yet and imagining topping it in scale and production value and everything right now seems a bit intimidating. But we'll probably do it.

-Even more time in preproduction. I did good in prep for this movie. Really covered my ass. Made it all work. But as much as I like to find my shots on set, it would have really helped to have a shot list to make sure I got all the shots I had thought of beforehand, and also to help Danny be able to figure out lighting better. Given that we didn't have that, we did a great job, but it probably would have been smoother if we had it.

-Better clarifying my goals and expectations of both the project itself and the actual production to all the cast and crew. It's a hard thing to think about, but you can't assume everybody thinks like you or sees the project like you do. Some people always took it very seriously. Sometimes it felt like some people didn't, but it was almost always in regards to the additional jobs that people shouldn't have necessarily had to do like props and costumes and continuity. So that could also be a fault of having a small crew and a lot of work on everyone's shoulders. But some people stepped up and carried it better than others.

- This one is more of a reaffirmation of something I already knew than a lesson learned, but having a cast/crew of people who are genuinely excited about the project and really want to be a part of it and aren't just doing it as another project to have under their belts is really important. It has to be a unique experience that everyone knows is worth every amount of effort they're putting into it. It has to be an experience money can't buy, and the value has to be in the project itself. In our case, my hope at least is that this is what justifies not paying people. And everyone completely deserves to be paid, but it's a tricky scenario I talked about with Danny. The below the line (and sometimes probably the above the line too) crew on most films work on them as a job. They like making movies in general, that's why they do it, but project to project they're motivation to keep going is usually the money. They have to keep doing projects, whatever they are, to make a living, and I guess also to build up a portfolio so they can get better work. Typically, there's less passion there, and personally I think that's how you know you're making a project not worth making. If people know what they're getting into and are willing to do it for free from the start, that's how you know you not only have a project worth doing it, but a damn good cast/crew for the job. That was my litmus test for this film. I would like to pay everyone now, but there's a problem with that because you're putting a value on that person's work. My core cast/crew all deserve like five grand a piece for the jobs they did. If I had that, I'd pay them. I could give everyone like a hundred bucks, but that seems almost insulting because it says they did a $100 job, and they didn't. I guess to some people that might be a cop out, but I take pride in saying I did this job for free. I mean it was my project, so it probably doesn't count for me. And in fact, I put in 15 grand of my own money so I'm negatively compensated in terms of money. But I really like knowing that this was a passion project. It means at least on some level it's worth having done.

-Don't leave the camera on too long when setting up the shot. It eventually will overheat during the shoot.

- If you don't absolutely need it, you won't end up using it. As the shoot went on, the camera rig got smaller and more basic. By the second leg we weren't using the follow focus at all, and had just the camera itself directly mounted tot he tripod. I even stopped using the monitor a lot. Although lighting got more elaborate and we ended up with more lights for the second leg, so maybe that's not true.

- A lot can change in a 10 day break. It was probably too long. Average temps dropped about 25 degrees and the lake went back up instead of down.

- More, shorter production days probably would have worked out better. Would have been nice to have more recovery time at night and not have to go straight to bed for the next day. Also for watching dailies, which we didn't get to do every day.

- Don't siphon sitting water from the pool cover through a hose when the pump breaks. It'll give you a sore through and a sinus infection during your shoot.

- You never expect yourself to lose momentum or want to just stop at points, but the first couple of days of the second leg when I was sick and wondering at what point my grandmother was going to die (which btw, she's actually doing okay right now, still hanging in there), and shooting some of the less visually interesting scenes of the movie, I was really fighting.

- On a similar note as the last one, a feature film can be creatively stifling. Perhaps it had to do with spending so much time at one location, but certain sets got really stale and became hard for me as a director to find shots and interest in. You start out with a lot of big ideas and you end up in some places just getting the minimum. I don't think it'll reflect in the final film. But in retrospect there were a couple of scenes where I could have done more. Although that may always be true.

- Your will turn into a super human at some point. I thought I would be prepared having been a PA on a 25 day indie film shoot and being the first person on set and the last to leave. Sometimes doing 15 hour shoots. But as a PA you don't have any of the weight of the production on your shoulders. You don't have to make any decisions, no one is really ever waiting on you, and you get to wait around not doing anything a lot. My feet got really tired as a PA. They were sore and callused . That didn't happen on this movie. But with only 13 days of production, and getting sick, and being in the cold, and wearing heavy camera rigs, and being the central resource for any question about anything, and trying to remember what I want out of scenes and make sure I get the shots I want, and getting three hours of sleep some nights, and somehow not being able to eat nearly enough food (my metabolism got really messed up). Somewhere in there you become like a superhero or something. I'm probably glamorizing it, but we wrapped three days ago and it wasn't until last night that I finally got a full nights sleep. My circadian rhythm is all off. And there's this weird transition back into the real world.

- I feel like I've experienced a major turning point in my life. Like I've had a reawakening or something. For the last month, I've felt like myself. Like somehow I haven't been myself in years. I guess maybe because it's been 2.5 years since my last big project, but I feel reinvigorated, and like I need to go through some big changes. It's going to sound silly, but I feel young again. I think it's because my normal life has been pretty lazy leading up to this project. I'm usually not around a lot of people. Doing everything in seclusion. Sleeping a lot, not working that hard. Trying to figure out where I'm going in life, but not actually living it. Looking back I feel like I've been growing up too fast. I'm engaged, and I'm planning where I'm going to live in two years, I spent my college career studying my backup plan in life so I can get a good job when filmmaking doesn't work out. That's a terrible thing to plan for when I'm only 22. Most filmmakers don't make their first feature until they're past 30. I think that's what's not entirely me and why I feel like myself again. I want to do more of this kind of stuff. Pushing my physical and creative limits and seeing what happens. Testing myself. Playing it less safe and comfortable. I mean I have like 8 months of post to do on this film and I'm already ready to top it. I don't want to stagnate like I've been doing. I'm ready to write again. I'm ready to get ambitious.



But all in all, this has been the most successful project I've ever done. We planned for things, we worked through problems, we were ready for our setbacks, and we got it done. There aren't any weak links like we used to have. No tripod shots or lines overlooked or anything missing. There were circumstantial adjustments, but our weak links for this project will be a new league of weak links compared to what we usually have. So that's exciting. I know the worst is better than any other worst I've had. So the whole thing should be scaled up accordingly.

And I'm truly grateful to my incredible cast and crew on this project. Without this particular breed of crazy artists willing to do anything, I wouldn't have been able to even come close to pulling this off. There are always pros and cons, but at the end of the day with this production the pros, I think, completely dominated the cons, and we came out on top.

Now I'll stop over-hyping everything so I don't set expectations too high.

Part II : The Final Test

What Danny refers to as "the filmmaking Gods," the greater powers we sometimes like to blame for all the shit that can happen on set, seem to be really testing me for this one.

I knew it'd be tough making a movie around the holidays. I knew it'd be stressful working on another project on my break. I knew a lot of things. And as is almost always the case, everything seems to just border being too much to handle. Even if you go in expecting that and it meets your expectations, somewhere in the back of your head you expect it to be easier because you planned for it, but with film I guess it's always scaled to your efforts. So you're always barely getting by, it's just a matter of what you're getting by with.

Family stress couldn't be worse right now though. Production starts up again in exactly 39 hours. Yesterday, we found out that my grandmother is basically on her deathbed right now. She's been hospitalized for several months and we knew it was coming. It's just that it seems like it could happen any day now, and I can't have it happen any day now. I've got 5 days. 5 hardcore shooting days that I can't really afford to delay. It's a terrible situation to be in. I mean I've basically already accepted that she's going to die. Most of us have. She's been in a hospital for months so in that way it will sort of be a good thing. It's just that it's weird to be crossing my fingers that she doesn't die in the next week for basically my own selfish reasons. I guess that's terrible. From the family perspective, it's probably really selfish. From the production perspective it's something I just want to forget about and hope doesn't interfere. I don't like being tied to both. It's very stressful.

I like to think of it as kind of a test. Movies are always stressful and those filmmaking gods are just packing it on thick right now. I don't believe in a real god or anything. I don't believe in higher powers, but sometimes I like to think that somehow I'm being tested even though there's no one administering the test. I guess that means it's just me versus the real world and it's a test for myself to prove this is what I want to do. I came out of the first leg confident that it was. And I'm not second guessing that at all or anything. I guess I'm just anxious again to see if in 6 days I have a whole movie shot or not.

Standing on One Leg

So we've done it. We have about 2/3 of the movie shot.

Today is the first day in 9 days that I haven't been shooting and it feels really weird. Somewhere in the last two or three days of production, it occurred to me that I'm doing exactly what I want to do for a living. It's really intense, and you have long hours, and you get worn out and I think I averaged about 6 hours of sleep a night all week, but I was never tired. I never wanted to stop or take a break. That's why today is weird. I want to jump right back into the second leg and get the rest of the movie. I love the atmosphere of being on set. The pressure, and the close group of people working hard for something they believe in. It's like a weird dream to look back on. It's so far removed from normal life. But I think that's what I like about it. I'm spent way too many days leading up to last week sitting in my apartment, writing, and planning, and getting everything where it needed to be, and I got tired of it. It's working towards a goal, but it's really far removed from it and you don't get any of the gratification. It's also a comparatively lonely experience. But for me it was really nice to sit down at the end of the day talking with the cast/crew and thinking to myself, "yes, this is exactly what I want to be doing with my life." It's a great feeling because there's a lot of second guessing going on at this point in my life, when practicality clashes with dreams.


I've started a rough cut of what we have so far. It looks good. Really good. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it feels like it's turning out exactly like it should. You can never tell what it will be beforehand. You can take educated guesses, and then you can think of your ideals, and you incorporate the reality of the production and you get your product. This feels like a well balanced mix between all of that. I'm happy with it.

It's weird how despite not really being conscious of it, I've got a definite style. This film is certainly more professional than anything I've done, but even in just the 5 minutes of the film I have cut together right now, it feels really familiar. I see similarities to "Making Of," but in a good way. It's reassuring because a lot of times I feel like I'm ripping off other styles a lot, but I think I have something my own.

But it's a weird kind of depressing day today. I got to sleep in, I'm home alone with just me and my footage. And I'm working on it, but I'm missing the hustle and bustle and what I like to think of as kind of fighting to make this film.

Like yesterday was a crazy day, but one I'm really glad we had for this production. It was 100% pure guerrilla filmmaking. The kind of stuff that other people quit when the shit hits the fan. We started at the airport, which was easy, except we were going to shoot a plan landing and it landed early so we missed it and would have had to wait another 2 hours for the next one (we're probably coming back to that one). We shot in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond without permission, eventually getting confronted and told we couldn't shoot there...but after we got everything we needed. The liquor store we had scheduled was unexpectedly closed (we found out after our actor for the scene had driven in from Arkansas to shoot) so we had to find another location, called about 5 other liquor stores, which all turned us down, went to one that said yes, but changed their minds when we got there, and ended up at a local market that is closed on Sundays, but they opened for us to shoot after Hunter begged them on the phone. So we got a private location in the end, which probably worked out even better. Then we ended the day shooting in a Target parking lot getting in a lot of people's way and being stalked by the guy that ratted us out in the Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. It felt like high school again, but in a good way. A sense of danger and a feeling that we might not get what we needed because of all of the things we couldn't control without a Hollywood machine backing us up. It was one of those days where I think a lot of people would have given up or changed the script around to fit the circumstances, but we fought to do it just like we wanted and we got it.

I enjoy those fights...probably more so after they're proven successful though.