Getting Used to Rejection

Been a while...

Premiere likely in April in Shreveport. Not confirmed yet, so I'm not making any official announcements.

I'll probably shoot to have the DVDs ready at the premiere too. Get those out and the premiere out of the way in one fell swoop.

I hate to say it, but our festival run is looking bleaker and bleaker. Yes we still have 10 or so left to hear from. But we've been rejected from a very diverse group of 5 festivals so far. There's hope, yes, but I'm looking at April as the big hoorah.

I really wanted to premiere at a festival, but we've passed the notification date on the last one I was holding out for with no luck. It sucks because festivals are the reason we didn't premiere 3-4 months ago, when it may have been more appropriate being the holiday season and the one year anniversary of the shoot. By all means the cast/crew don't deserve to wait this long for it, but I was really trying to make it special. Then with a festival screening under our belt, our Shreveport run would have had more credibility, probably could have squeezed more screenings out of it. Would have stood out more.

But the fact of the matter is the movie isn't as good as I wanted it to be. And that's a very difficult thing to wrap your head around. Expectations are tricky. By all means, for what we had and what we did with our limitations, and even probably what we did as far as any project anyone involved has done is concerned, we did a great job. I'm proud of it. But the trick is comparing what's good for you, or what's good me, versus what's good for the collective filmmaking community. We're way behind comparatively.

Well, maybe not. That's the catch too. With festivals you're either in or you're out. You don't know how close you get. I've heard through the grapevine that at least one programmer at SXSW loved it. But we didn't get in. We might have been really close, but that doesn't help us. What was holding us back? Technical stuff? Maybe. It's up to me to figure that out and then turn around and try and do better.

At this point it's been a year and two months since we shot GOS. I've had 14 months to contemplate what we shot and mull it over and make it into the best it could be. And 14 months to find the faults and consider alternatives and dream of the next thing on my list and how I'll make it better. 14 months of thinking about the next project, and not being able to start it because I'm committed to this one. As much as I know everyone wants to see, I'm ready to be done with it.

Is that a terrible attitude to have about your own work, and the work of your peers. Probably. I see it as realistic. I don't dislike GOS at all. Like I said I'm proud of it. But I feel like I'm moving at super speed. I'm ready for something new. Trial and Error. I can't correct my errors if I don't keep trying. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't exude delusions of greatness when the premiere comes about, but I'm not the kind of person that lets myself be blinded by my own ambitions to be a good director. I know it takes more than telling yourself that and making yourself believe everything you do is great. I crave growth and second chances. I like moving on. I like change. That's part of why I like filmmaking. It's something new every time.

It's worth noting that I am finishing up the "Making Of" documentary and in some ways it's almost as interesting to watch as the movie itself (most of what's been completed is available to view online already). Maybe I'm just a little vain and like seeing myself as a director and hearing what I'm like on set...because when doing it, I had no idea. I'm glad we have the process documented. It's always neat to look back at yourself in stressful times doing weird and unique things.